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“After quizzing a mutual friend of my blind date, beforehand, I quickly became aware of the fact that the guy actually had a crush on a girl from my college and course (let’s call her C).

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I had said on my form that I love Greek food (and men…) , so we both decided to hit up the finest Grecian establishment in Cambridge, the Gardenia.

Things quickly got out of hand, as I had far too much to drink, and I decided to head behind the counter where I was pushed around by the staff, had lettuce thrown at me and promptly kicked out.

Despite my attempts to move the conversation on, I got details of the smell, the anatomy and the fact that “no-one else really wanted to start” so he just “dove right in there”.

I had to pull the classic of messaging my friend from the loo to come over and save me from the penis dissection-themed hell that beckoned for the next few hours.

Swimming in a dating pool of some of the most brilliant young men in the world, you’d expect ladies at Cambridge University to have the pick of their lives of eligible bachelors.

But with Valentine’s Day just around the corner, for the unlucky-in-love, swap-weary Cambridge spinster, Hell really is other students.

We didn’t meet again.” “Around 2 minutes in it became clear that my date and I had nothing in common but I was making an active effort to fill the awkward silences with some small talk.

When the waiter came to take our order, he ordered La Reine pizza which is my favourite but I didn’t want him to think we had any kind of connection so I ordered the American.” “So things started off fairly chilled out.

Mr Perfect is probably at Girton, and long distance relationships are depressingly hard work.

2) For the less cynical woman on RAG Blind Date, print out the guide below and cross your fingers that you’ll never have the experience of being wooed by Workaholic William or Elitist Edmund.

I nearly retched as my fingers struggled from within the poop bag to find a purchase on the slimy, yellowish mess that was splattered on the grass.

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